My Message 01/31/2020

 A Message

 

For me, there is no calendar anymore.  I don’t need to know what the date is, or even the day to be honest.  Holidays? Sure, I need to know when the banks are closed and when I’m not getting any mail.  But someone will remind me of those days I’m sure.  Birthdays and anniversaries? They’ll still pop up in my calendar app so exactly when they are doesn’t really matter.  No.  For me, the best course is to stop keeping track of time and just to let it flow.

 

Therefore, tonight is not really New Year’s Eve.  Tomorrow is not New Year’s Day.  Just two more days for me to keep on living. And no resolutions for me.  They aren’t necessary for me to be happy with who I am or the life I live.  No more hoping or wishing.  Just living and doing. 

 

The credit for this goes, first and foremost, to my wife Victoria.  I have not shied away from expressing the impact her death has had on my outlook on life.  The majority of you know what that now is, but if you don’t, here it is in a nutshell:

 

-        Forgive a little more.

-        Shake off the negative and embrace the positive.

-        Take care of myself more.

-        Recognize that those who are a part of my life are each there for different reasons.  I accept them for who they are and what they mean to me.  As it should be.  

-        Love a little more.

-        No more hiding behind my fears and insecurities.  Do it.  Say it.  Deal with it. Or not.

-        And love myself unconditionally.

 

And then there’s the damned Covid.  It has served as reinforcement, as I watch hundreds of thousands die around me, what is really important. It may be a cliché, but don’t fucking sweat the small stuff.  The brief heartache, the seemingly unavoidable emotional self-torture, it’s not worth it.  I needed to learn to let go more easily.  To forgive, forget and move on.  I read somewhere that all the little shit you worry about today won’t even exist six months from now.  I’m taking that as gospel and have weaved it into my life.  I’m better off for it.

 

This is the part where I thank each and every one of you who has been a part of my life, my healing and yes, my love.  Each of you are fully aware of what you’ve brought to the table, no matter how inconsequential you think it is, has been integral in me being the person I always wanted to be.  The person who I know I can be. Each of you have made me understand that being myself is enough to help make the world a better place.  So I thank you and I love you all.

 

My goal remains the same.  To be that person.  To hold in my heart the core values that will keep me on that path.  To absorb in my soul the love that surrounds me.  To make you laugh. To make you think. And to make you cry. And to make sure you all know that I love you with all my heart.

 

I will end this with one of my favorite quotes of all time.  I repeat this quote often but it belongs here.  

 

“If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day.  That’s a heck of a day.  You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”

 

-        Jim Valvano

 

Thanks for listening.

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