An Act of Revision

  Two Years Two years.  Believe it or not, I have no problem believing that you are gone.  Not too much trouble with the fact that my bed is still empty or when I hear a sound in the kitchen, and it isn’t you making a vodka cranberry, but rather the dog.  No big deal. And when you come to mind, a song, a movie or just because, I am more inclined these days to think of happy times and smile.  But seriously, two fucking years?   When I try to wrap my tiny brain around the fact that it’s been two years I can only think of one reason.  And that is that I still love you as much as I did the day we were married.  As much as the days that each of our children were born.  As much as the day that you died.  And all of the days in between.     It is not a love I take lightly, as I may have from time to time before you left us. (Actually, I know I did, I’m sorry).  Honestly, loving ones wife after she dies is not anything I gave any thought to before it happened. Why would I? But here we are.  An

  Everybody’s Baby   April 25, 2020.  We were ten weeks into Covid-19.  On that day there were 972,379 cases in the United States and 55,371 deaths. Ten weeks into what has turned into a forty six week nightmare that shows no sign of ending.  Over that entire period of time, and especially now with the New Year, Americans have been desperately seeking a respite from the depression that has seemingly descended into every corner of our lives.  Desperately seeking anything that would give us the appearance of a return to normalcy.  The fight is real and while it is certainly different from family to family, and person to person, it is there for all of us.  And it really, really sucks.   But something else happened on April 25, 2020.  An event that, for those of us who are lucky enough to know of it, has given us all a reason to be filled with a strong sense of hope.  See, it was on that day that Aaron Joseph Kurjiaka was born.     Virtually every day since then he has graced our presence

  A Message   For me, there is no calendar anymore.  I don’t need to know what the date is, or even the day to be honest.  Holidays? Sure, I need to know when the banks are closed and when I’m not getting any mail.  But someone will remind me of those days I’m sure.  Birthdays and anniversaries? They’ll still pop up in my calendar app so exactly when they are doesn’t really matter.  No.  For me, the best course is to stop keeping track of time and just to let it flow.   Therefore, tonight is not really New Year’s Eve.  Tomorrow is not New Year’s Day.  Just two more days for me to keep on living. And no resolutions for me.  They aren’t necessary for me to be happy with who I am or the life I live.  No more hoping or wishing.  Just living and doing.    The credit for this goes, first and foremost, to my wife Victoria.  I have not shied away from expressing the impact her death has had on my outlook on life.  The majority of you know what that now is, but if you don’t, here it is in a nut